top of page
  • Koko Venegas Music

“My struggle with depression & How I am overcoming”

Updated: Nov 12, 2020

Have you ever struggled with depression? Have you ever been in a dark place? You feel alone? Helpless? Hopeless? Negative thoughts, feelings and emotions just crumbling up into nothing leading to numbness and deep discouragement? I know I have...

There were many occasions as a Christian I felt like just giving up and letting it all go. I did not feel I could meet the standard of what I felt was my responsibility as a Christian. The more I strived to be like Christ the more I found myself falling behind. It was as though the goal was hopeless. I served God and was in Ministry and for the most part it saved my life but at the same time I continued to struggle in secret with depression but to not appear as though I was a weak Christian or due to many Christians having this ideology that if you are depressed you have no faith I kept fighting alone.What truly got me through was stepping outside myself and a strong prayer life and relationship with Jesus. No one truly understood me more than Him.

When we look into scripture we find that job was depressed and wanted to die yet the Bible called him a righteous man.There Are many examples in the Bible where we find victory at the end of a trial for those that hold on to hope.There are also many different levels of depression but mine remained minor only because of God and choosing not to give up nomatter what.God allows for us to fall apart sometimes so we can see the true condition of our hearts and realize our desperate need of Him but He never gives us more than we can handle and His mercies are new every morning!

Watching and observing my mom growing up and the way she handled her own depression helped me a lot throughout life and eventhough I was not always the perfect daughter due to anger issues that would arise due to the deep-rooted issues from my childhood; she was so forgiving. I saw Christ in her patience most of the time. I even live with regrets of how I could have done better but I am glad I told her I’m sorry a week before she passed and we hugged and she said I love you too. She loved me unconditionally and saw the best through my mess. I know she is saved and sealed. I cannot wait to see her again. She was a fighter! Always seeking God through prayer to cover her daughters and family! After she passed away, I even found a touching prayer she wrote for my five sisters and I that God to helps us in our trials and saves us. It touched my heart so much I framed it with her picture and gave it to my five older sisters for Christmas 2018 as a gift of encouragement that same year of her passing.

After she died, I fell into a deep depression because in my heart I truly wanted to save her life even went through the testing to try to donate her a kidney and it was not possible but God had a different plan of when to take her to rest. I stayed at an older sisters house for almost a month because I couldn’t go home and see her room empty.When I finally came home I spend the next two weeks weeping all alone and even got sicI. It hit me so hard she was not with us anymore.I had to learn to accept Gods will but it took time.If I would have remained in that place I would never fulfill my purpose in life like she did so I learned I needed to choose my battles daily.Two in a half years later, from turning my moms room into a prayer room I found myself having to keep it and although I have not found the courage to sleep in it yet I know it is the first step. I will make copies of happy pictures with her and hang them on my wall to strengthen me in looking forward to our reunion in that Glorious morning!

I choose to rest on the promises of God that someday when Jesus comes in that Glorious morning I will be there when she is ressurected and we will both be with Jesus forever as well as those who surrendered to Him completely. I am a work in progress and I will keep striving for the mastery until He returns and takes us home even through the condemnation of those who may never understand my journey.

My mom being a godly woman that she was and seeing her fight through her own depression by being good even after being in an abusive marriage, losing six babies, cancer survivor and still managed to not only forgive my father and treat him with love and respect.Still managing to be the greatest mom, grandmother, great-grandmother, sister, aunt and friend to those who really knew her.Also, it was only God that can help her remain in Him. I am greatful to the family members that could see right through the surface and loved her & me through it! We know others truly love us when all we have to offer is our presence and even when all we see is an imperfect broken self they see wholeness and while we speak negative but they speak life into existence because they have faith! We need more people like this. No one truly loves anyone until a person is in their worst state ever and we still manage to not give up on them! Unlike mechanical Christianity I want real Christianity which loves during affliction leaving the 99 to get the one only sometimes we are that one♥️

There are several ways satan will try to temp to deceive you which lead to a depressing state. Pushing God away is one of them and those that truly love you.

  1. Bad upbringing/childhood

  2. Your past failures or sin

  3. Negative statements spoken into your life.

  4. Unanswered prayers or rejection

5. Looking/dwelling on mistakes

6. Bondages you’re holding onto

7. Unforgiveness leading to bitterness

My personal upbringing was not the best..

Growing up in a dysfunctional and unhealthy environment can create a lot of trauma, a different perception on how we view God, the world around us and life in general. Even bottled anger which begins to creep in with time. Most anger is hurt and pain that was never addressed correctly. It can create depression and anxiety and mental health issues.You don’t even understand yourself and live with regret and bitterness of not knowing how to overcome it and the unforgiveness that comes through the regrets of not taming our tongues when we should have. It is so important to understand that having mental health needs does not mean we are crazy or at fault or should feel like a burden to ourselves or others. All of this brings shame.

Unfortunately, the lack of knowledge from many mental health issues causes others to come across as careless when it comes to this topic. In some cases, people do lack empathy, compassion, patience and understanding. Some even carry a condeming spirit rather than lifting up their brethren. Nevertheless, anyone who is struggling should never feel inferior than anyone else simply because of their mental health needs or vice-versa people who have never experienced any type of trauma or pain should never look down on those who have. We as the body of Christ should help one another get through it all. We are supposed to be a family! There is not enough support with mental health needs in churches today. Some of us don’t even need council. We simply need to be heard and know that it will not be repeated.

Sometimes being vulnerable and open is often seen as a weakness.No one should look down on brokeness because it is in our weakness that God‘s power is made perfect. It is not our fault we grew up a certain way that molded our way of thinking which may not always be healthy but the main key to understand is that all things are possible with Gods help. It is possible through Him to undue these thought patterns that we cultivated through past experiences, bad circumstances or through our earthly parents who may have learned them from their parents and so this is also how generational curses get passed on to us.Negative reactions and perceptions are sometimes created and rooted in an early age.God wants to give us a new mind and new heart. With that being said, it starts with our relationship with God first.


Mathew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

God showed me a verse that helped view depression in a while new light.

Satan is a liar! He makes the heart of the righteous sad but God did not make us sad. The Bible reveals over and over that God is fullness of joy and as long as we remain in His presence we will make it. Not recommending anyone who struggles who are taking medication to stop taking it but what I am saying is be prayerful on what thoughts you choose and where your energy is placed on a daily basis. The choices we make and the surroundings we have will either help us grow or stump our walk with Jesus.Another important thing to remember is we are not defined by our burdens Or issues but by the blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony!

47 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
Post: Blog2_Post
bottom of page